What are some common lies that addicts may tell themselves?

I even drank at my desk for fuck sakes. It was really a big fucking game - that wasn’t fun at all but I did (always will) love the taste and the effects. I hated what it was doing to my behavior and how I was becoming more reclusive and distant from my wife) I still love the taste of it. I know the smell, the flavor, that carbonated liquid confidence scratching my throat as I drank no less than half of the king can on the very first drink of every one I opened. I was a pig. The remainder was 2 swigs and DONE. NEXT! I’ll stop writing here. It’ll be in my book called TheWealthyAddict when it comes out.

Then, September 27th, 2019. That master of all addicts, that motherfucker, the master manipulator, the evil that lurks in all of our minds waiting for any vulnerable moment, a moment nano-weakness (of temptation) that little evil that transcends like a quiet little voice in our heads, struck me. It had found that one moment of weakness and pounced on it. I came home from work around 9:30 am. I had just been paid. I was alone. Suddenly, out of the fucking blue, as I neared 5 years of complete and total sobriety of all drugs and alcohol, I was fucking jolted with this helpless thought that I was going to Brampton, (a city in Canada) and gonna to go look and try to buy some coke. Son of a fucking bitch. I couldn’t stop myself. It’s a 20 minute drive to Brampton. All the way there, I was thinking that this was a bad idea. NO FUCKING WAY WAS THAT ENOUGH TO STOP ME. That voice in my head, superseded my reasoning, and I was helpless. I’d lost the fight even before I got into the SUV to leave for Brampton. I was scared, excited, angry, confused, lost, worried, anxious, high with anticipation of that rush I’d soon be getting, GOD - WHAT A FUCKING LOSING BATTLE THAT WAS. Within an hour and 10 minutes I was home. I raced to finally get this shit chopped up (barely for those first few lines). It was a bit rocky with some larger pieces that I didn’t give a fuck about because I knew my nose was pristine and ready for the uptake. ! line waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to the back of my throat. The numbing of my two upper front teeth, my heart rate starting to amp up. Then the next line. Waaaaaaaaay back again.

Cut another two lines. BAM! BAM! Again. It was game on. WOOOOOOOOOOW! What a rush. EUPHORIA. Giiiiiiiiidddddy Up Baby! Oh yeah! I felt like a $1,000,000 bucks. THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT. Just did 3 lines earlier, before writing this rant, and I just fired off my comment, answer and story telling. Now I can feel it wearing off. So 5 years and 3 months later (with 2 noticeable breaks in this time) I am still at it. MOTHERFUCKER. I always thought coke was the easiest to just do socially and on occasion. This time, I really got fucking sucked right in. I’m truly having a REALLY hard time quitting. I know this is my last one to overcome - although I never thought it would get this serious. I was thinking of stopping today/tonight but as I am down to only 1 line left, I already feel the anxiety that comes with running out. It was there when I was at 5 lines. I despise this feeling. It’s very difficult to get passed this part. You really crave that much more knowing you have very little or you’re just about to finish it. You tried reaching your dealer. He she isn’t answering yet. Usually it only takes 5 minutes. However, when I want it most they’re MIA. God help me.

Scientists Uncover Giant Spiders That Once Terrorized Jurassic Earth - The Daily Galaxy

Or she’d ask to smell my breadth and I’d get semi-defensive asking her why or what was making her ask me such a silly question. Of course I would sometimes answer her question with a question throwing it back to her. With what makes you ask me that question? Or do you think I’ve been drinking? (using) Why do you always ask me the same question? I would try to deflect the answer in some way shape or form? I’d even go so far as asking: Why? Do I look intoxicated? Really? Seriously? Trying to sound befuddled by her unspoken implication.

Lies always correlated to NOT being found out. I never used or drank in front of my family. I was always hidden, in the garage, the basement, outside, washroom (aka: My executive office), So if bottles or cans were found by my spouse (in the house) and she’d ask who’s it was. I really wanted to say it was our 3 year old’s can. DUH!!!!! Who the fuck else did it belong to? THAT’S WHAT i THOUGHT. But what I said was: I don’t know. It was probably there for a long time. I don’t know was the common answer because it didn’t happen too often - thank goodness.

The reason this question was posted is because you’re out in left field on the subject of addiction and naturally NOT AN addict. (Please don’t take offense to this comment it isn’t meant in a derogatory manner) Or secondly, you are simply looking for upvotes - maybe. Although I don’t know how this would get you upvotes. Thirdly, ………………………….. I let you draw your own conclusion.

What is one small habit that has transformed your life in unexpected ways?

Time to clean my mirror, straw, plastic baggies and REALLY scrape the mirror. I want to make that las line as big as possible.

What do you think is the BIGGEST AND MOST HARMFUL LIE OF THEM ALL THEY TELL THEMSELVES? Common on. You have to have some idea. It’s staring you right in the face - specially when looking in the mirror. “I’M NOT AN ADDICT’ which can be followed at times by a validating statement like “I JUST ENJOY GETTING HIGH AND PARTYING’

Just when everyone is ready to go somewhere are in the car and all buckled in you unbuckle your seatbelt and say I’ll be right back I’ll grab a Root Beer (or a Ginger Ale or better yet a ‘COKE’ - literally for me. <Then I will do two massive rails and snort it really loud and deep, put away the accessories and tools and run back to the car and off we go>

Would you join a gym or workout at home and why?

Once I’d fully commited to going through with my decision, I hadn’t felt this kind of peace and a HUGE sense of calmness. I felt different. I acted different that night towards my wife. Meaning I was more attentive. I listened. We were talking. It felt great. Not because I wasn’t using, but because everyone would be set free of ME. I felt amazing. Then my sister had to fucking call me that same night.

Now, it’s different than alcohol because using coke I can be awake for several days without sleeping. So my mission is to use, get high, yet on the other hand try and act straight, normal, casual and nonchalant and nothing is out of the norm. Worse yet, is very demanding to have me beside her when she goes to bed. If I just got a few grams and I’ve done several lines, laying beside her for 8 hours is SOOOOOOOO FUCKING EXHAUSTING. I do have one escape, and I can say I’m cleaning my nose. I use the fact that I have a ‘perforated septum’ as an excuse to go and ‘clean’ my nose when all I’m doing is making my nasal situation progressively worse with each and every line. The fucking bullshit we addicts go through.

The moment she told me that our step-dad had just died earlier in the day. There was this good 20 second silence and pause. I was trying to process the news. I hadn’t spoken to him (by choice) in about 3 years up to that point. Then i FLOODED like the great rains from the Bible. (and not religious) I suddenly EXPLODED from within and all came pouring out. i began crying. I cried and cried and cried - to the point I was helpless to stop. I just couldn’t I was wailing I wept and sobbed for AT THE VERY LEAST 5 fucking straight minutes - if not more. My sister tried to cut in and I just couldn’t stop. FUCK! i HAD NEVER, EVER cried with such intensity and longevity in my entire life. I tried stopping, god knows I tried. I almost felt stupid and embarrassed but the tears, the emotions, the overwhelming sense of release of I don’t know what, just continued, until my sister said. I will call you back later Daniel. I hope you feel better. I couldn’t even say bye to her. Finally, it slowly subsided. Finally I could catch my breadth. I was in the bedroom and standing beside the bed next to my wife. She was completely speechless and didn’t move or say a word the entire time. She just watched me with a horrified and dumbstruck glare. She didn’t know what to do. Finally, I calmed down.

How do you cope when your mother doesn't love you?

“I’m not drunk”

THANK YOU ALL OFR LISTENING AND READING - SPECIALLY IF YOU READ THIS FAR. I’M REALLY SCARED. I DO WANT TO STOP. YET (THIS TIME0 SOMETHING PREVENTS ME FROM JUST GETTING PAST THAT 3 - 4 WEEK THRESHHOLD WHEREBY - IT’LL BE A LOT EASIER TO CONTINUE AND GO THROUGH WITH IT. MAYBE SOME OF YOU CAN WAVE A MAGIC WAND. MAYBE I CAN FIND A LADY FREIND TO PLAY ONLINE WITH AS A FWB - TO SUBSTITUTE THIS INSANE AND COSTLY ADDICTION. IF YOU’RE THERE PLEASE DM ME OR SOMETHING.

I need the washroom ( X 15 times a day - either to clean my nose before railing, or to simply do a few rails and come right back upstairs - or wherever)

Democrat announces run against Ernst after her 'We're all going to die' comments - ABC News

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

That’s not mine. (the answer to your spouse, partner, employer or parent asking: Is this bag of coke yours? (Happened to me a few years ago. DENY! DENY! DENY!

Just like that. The crack and Meth, were just these sudden & instant decisions to quit. Right then and there. Don’t get me wrong. The withdrawals (both physical and psychological) were a fucking bitch. SPECIALLY the depression that followed - this ON TOP OF the fact I suffer Clinical Depression. Thanks to a phone call from my sister on January 28th at approximately 9:15 pm to tell me my step-father had died was my saving Grace. I was mentally prepared to commit suicide the next morning. I had my rope, I had even made the noose, I had cleared my beam in the laundry room knowing my wife and family would not be going in there on this night. I had place my 3-rung step ladder there to climb and kick when I’d be all snuggy wuggy in the rope. I felt soooooooo much fucking peace of mind and soul when I’d made the decision to end this fucking bullshit once and for all. I didn’t want to deal with the depression I was in, I didn’t want to deal with life, I’d be better off dead anyway, and more importantly my wife would no longer have to deal with me and my on-going addictions. I was happy for her and the family. No more stealing from their wallets. No more lying when asked if I’d taken money. No more lying why I was in the washroom for 2, 3 and 4 hours at a time. No more FUCKING LYING PERIOD. No more hurt for them. No more emotional exhaustion for them. No one said anything. I was always trying to act normal, straight as though all was fine. But inside I knew, they knew. My wife didn’t know what I was actually doing, but she knew I was doing something along the lines of using drugs. I felt so low at that time. So MOTHERFUCKING low.

Do you like to wear a see-through skirt?

Finally I’d regained my sense, and knew right at that moment, I didn’t need to go through with my plan of suicide the following morning, when everyone would have been either at school or at work. I believe my father died so that I could be saved. Probably not, but I do believe there is a Universal Power. This intangible force that we cannot comprehend. I’m not talking a man-like figure called God. But this spiritual force that keeps the balance of the entire universe. Much like for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction (a balance) the Universal Power maintains that balance everywhere. I like to think that this is how I was saved that night.

Can you imagine? I quit smoking cigarettes on Feb. 09 at 12:00 am precisely. I quit weed in 2005 in mid January at approximately 7:30 pm. I never intended to quit but i just stopped smoking. I started smoking crack on December 27th, 2006 at 3:30pm (give and take 10 mins) and quite April 28th at 1:35 pm (and $100,000 poorer) and sold the house 3 months later). FUCKING MOFO. I then put myself in rehab (of my own volition) on in March 2010, then a second time on September 26th, 2010. I had my last drink of alcohol on September 25th, at 5:35 pm just down the road from where we lived at the time. Then in 2011 I was doing some coke but not that frequently. However, my brother-in-law introduced me to meth. He kept telling me it was better than coke. So one afternoon at a family gathering, we were in my other brother-in-law’s garage and again he made the same statement. So I said WTF. Why not.? Lo and behold it wasn’t - but I loved the intensity. Within 2 weeks I’d already purchased about $700 worth. I never turned back. I wasn’t addicted. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure Daniel. At least that’s what the guy I would look at in the mirror every day was telling me. You just like Meth A LOT. hahahaha. Anyway, January 26th, 2014, 11:30 am in my powder room (aka: 2 piece washroom) I had my very last hit of the crack pipe.

Ot “I didn’t use”

CVS closing 271 stores, including 3 locations in Upstate NY - Syracuse.com

When I drank, I would keep my King Cans of Maximum Ice ( nearly 8% alc for Maximum effect and on an empty stomach for double the speed and effectiveness of the alcohol - it was a whole strategy) ……. I kept them in the staff refrigerator at work. Nobody knew. Who thinks one will put alcohol there? NO ONE.

Thanks again for reading and sorry for the spelling errors, grammatical mistakes and any missing words or sentences that don’t make sense. I did not edit my message.

I just went to the garage look for my <fill in the name of an item you have in the garage that sounds somewhat legit> This is the answer to the question: What were you doing in the garage.

Why do I sweat a great deal while exercising the same on some days and not so much on others?